Letter to Mackenzie

Dearest Munchkin,

You are five months old now, almost six. Recently you've become very skilled in the ways of the fingers. You can pick up, hold and then drop your toys. Today I learned you can grasp a milkette and bring it up to your mouth. I had no idea you could pick up something so small with your delicate fingers. Needless to say, you amaze me every day.

You are teething right now and I feel really bad for you. You've never been a fussy baby, but now you're in so much pain and you're so touchy. Daddy and I are trying to make you as comfortable as possible. I can't wait for these teeth to break through. I miss my smiley, bouncy baby who barely cried. You are such an easy going baby that I can take you to a restaurant and not get ANY dirty looks.

Tomorrow you're starting on your peas as you've already tackled rice cereal. You have mastered the art of swallowing bland, colourless solids and are moving up to the exciting world of coloured foods! You will not be impressed and Mommy will record it to enjoy over and over.

Right now you are in love with Blue's Clues. I don't know if you actually like the show, but whenever we play it, there is no blinking from you. Maybe it's the colours and the songs. Whatever it is, you love it. You also like Mickey's Playhouse. You do not like Yo Gabba Gabba!, in fact when the DJ character appeared, so did your tears.

You're also learning to sit up on your own and you can do it for about fifteen seconds before you fall over. Daddy and I are so proud of you. We're going to get you some nice blankets to sit and play on for the living room. At this moment there is only hardwood floor and that will not be nice for your head when you fall over.

We've moved into a new apartment by Montebello park. It's a really nice apartment in a great part of downtown. You have your own room, painted "jungle green". It looks like a green Jolly Rancher. Your Gigi and I are going to paint Winnie the Pooh murals on the walls. We haven't done it yet, but you don't sleep in that room right now anyway. I'm excited to take you to Montebello park when the spring comes. There's a trail down the street that leads under the West Hill bridge. So many wonderful things to look forward to.

Mackenzie, Mommy and Daddy are so happy you're here with us. We can never tell you how proud you make us or how amazed we are by you because there are no words for it. Every day you teach us something new about ourselves and about yourself as well. We love you little Munchkin. You are our greatest gift.

Out and about

Cora's is really, really, ridiculously tasty. Nom nom nom to the extreme.

Today I had breakfast with my mother at Cora's. As I said before, nom heaven. It took forever to get the food, but the food itself was irreproachable. I'm going back on Monday because I may or may not be addicted.

My boys and I went to the Wal-Mart. For some reason that is always an adventure for me. It's so big. So many things to appreciate for their great value. I found my new bedset I will be purchasing when I buy our new bedframe this weekend.

In other news, I have found my new hobby. I've always enjoyed taking photos, but I've never thought of taking that interest any further. Then I found an ad online for a 1978 35mm SLR camera.

I love SLR cameras. They take fantastic, crisp shots and always look professional. However a low end digital SLR camera costs a minimum of $300. As much as I enjoy the SLR, I'm not starting a hobby that costs more than my groceries for a month. Not at the moment at least.

Anyway, I'm going to start taking lots of awesome 35mm photography. There's a nice trail by our house to take pictures in the spring. Montebello park is around the corner too. So that's something to look forward to.

Cash money

I want to get paid so bad. I have some serious shopping to do. I haven't bought myself a birthday present yet. But I will... oh I will.

Kijiji is my best friend right now.

Sadness

My baby boy is gone for the weekend. I miss him already. He's starting his baby solids and can sit unassisted for a whole twenty seconds!

In other sad news, Justin is gone all weekend for recording. So not only is my baby gone, but my baby daddy as well. The weather is horrible and he's going all the way to Toronto. I really hope he's okay up there. I miss his beard already.

And finally, I need to find a new home for my beloved Sirius. We adopted him when I was going into surgery to be a companion for our other cat, Milo. I would be in the hospital for a week at a time and the company was good for Milo. When I started spending more and more time at my own home, I realised that poor Sirius was becoming unhappy.

Sirius is a lot like a puppy. He comes when he's called, he sits in your lap or at your feet, he sleeps on his back. However like a puppy, he needs a lot of attention and with a very busy five month old, I can't give him the attention he deserves. I feel really bad when I have to push him away when Mack needs something. It breaks my heart, but I know he'd be happier somewhere he doesn't have to compete for affection. It's going to be hard to find him a new home.

:(

No baby, no worries

Mackymoo is not here today. He's with his papa until tomorrow. Normally I would take this opportunity to go out and get "slizzered" as it were, but I'm still recovering. So what are my non-baby type plans?

MOVIE DAY! Movies all day without interruption. Babies are all about interrupting movies.

Movie 1: Disney's Treasure planet.


Movie 2: Disney's Atlantis: The Lost Empire.


Movie 3: Titan A.E.




There's a bit of a theme. So excited.

It was the year 2009;

Ben Somer is playing a show with babydaddy February 24th at Mansion House. Ben Somer is so much more to me than just another folk musician. Ben Somer makes me feel more than nostalgic.

Every time I listen to Ben Somer ( www.myspace.com/bensomer ), I vividly remember walking up the stairs to 22 Hetheringtion Street. I can see the pile of shoes in the entrance way and smell the sweet, musty scent of reefer from Ken's room. I can hear the roommates laughing and coughing all through the house. There was so much love in that house. One by one the roommates moved on and out, but I'll always remember it fondly.

I can remember playing "Like You're Praying" over and over to mend a broken heart. I was so blind to what was really going on. No one likes the feeling of being replaced. There were times when going to 22 felt like I was being slapped in the face. Out of sight, out of mind doesn't work being in the same room with your old sweetheart. That was ages ago, but whenever I play that song, I remember.

I remember hugging friends and talking loudly at 73. All the shows, laughs, photos, fights, hugs. The excitement of a free music scene. Playing ticket-taker when needed. Drinking wine masked in metal water bottles like I was underage. Ben Somer helps me remember these forgotten memories.

I'm so happy where I am today and so thankful for 2009 and all it's memories, good and bad. If I hadn't met that ol' flame, I would never have gone to 22. I would never have met Timur, Sam, Ken, Janine, Joe and of course JJ. I wouldn't have my beautiful baby boy without him.

I would never have heard Ben Somer.

Arghgrhrhhhh So hard to keep this train a moving

We are finally going to get internetz this week so I can have an updated blog. Woohoo.

No internetz= grrrrrr

Anywho, I've had surgery to remove the kidney stones and stent from my body. Can I hear a HALLELUJAH?! Seven months they've taken residence in my urinary system, but the eviction has taken place! Unfortunately, this means four weeks of recovery and no picking up objects that weigh over ten pounds. Mack weighs well over ten pounds. Again, I am saddened.

I think I'm the only person that does not have a Twitter or a Tumblr. I like Tumblr because you basically post crap you think is cool. Short image posts that make people smile.

Twitter however I do not understand. My fifteen year old sister described it to me as a website of just Facebook statuses. Which is cool, but Facebook has status updates. Why do I need a Twitter and a Facebook? Do I double post one status or is one status only for Facebook and the other, Twitter?

Finally, I've decided to chop all my hair off in hopes that my son can longer pull it out. As much as I love glamourous big hair, my son loves to yank on it more. Five-month-olds have a very firm grip and no remorse. I figure by the time my hair grows long again Mackenzie will no longer play tug of war with my tresses.



Hello new hair, how I'll miss my ponytails.

Santa Claus Parade!

Happiest guy ever and he didn't even watch the parade.

Mack is three months old!

My baby boy is three months old today. I love him so much. I can hardly believe it's been a quarter of a year since he was born.

I remember every day of my last trimester being a nightmare. It dragged on and on. In my last month of pregnancy, I googled "how to induce labour" every day and tried all sorts of things. I drank raspberry leaf tea, bounced on an exercise ball, walked everywhere and he wouldn't budge. Because of my kidney stones, I was able to have him induced early since he was full term and I was in extreme discomfort.

I was induced Monday and two days of contractions later at 6:55pm on Wednesday August 25th, Mackenzie Benjamin Jacob Noel Jennings was born. He weighed 6lbs and 13 ounces. Which was pretty good considering he was almost two weeks early. He was tiny though, the only outfits that fit were for premies.

Now I have a 15 pound, roly poly three month old and all the days preceding are such a blur. Those nights in the pediatric wing for his jaundice, the endless feedings, the constant demand of his newborn screams all seem like ages ago.

Mack is changing everyday. He smiles all the time. He's always watching us and taking in everything we do. He holds his head steady and is putting more and more weight on his legs. He has strong opinions, he knows what he wants and when he wants. If he wants to nurse, he's going to nurse, no binkies or nunus will stop it.

I'm happier now than I've ever been. I regret nothing I've done in my past because if I changed anything at all, I wouldn't be able to hold my strong, sweet boy in my arms and see gorgeous eyes watching me wherever I go.

Happy Three Months little Mack. Mommy loves you more than you know.

Oh and Daddy too.

No dignity

I recently had a 50 year old woman feel up my ladybits. I could end the blog there, but I feel like an explaination is in order.

I had an ECG done last week and I was under the impression that I could at least wear a bra during the procedure. Nope, the nurse basically told me to strip it down for the waist up and gave me a "privacy sheet" to wrap around myself. So I do so and she rips it down past my chest and just leaves my belly covered! Thanks for not looking at my stretch marks... really cared about that when my boobs are out. I so did not want to give her eye contact, but she wanted to have a pleasent conversation throughout the procedure. Awesome.

Lately I've been obsessed with reading and saving new recipes. I love it. I have never been more addicted to a website than I am with Cooks.com. I have at least six different casseroles lined up.

Tuesday I have another ultrasound. I'm so excited. Please be a giant baby so you can come out early! I'm going to eat as much sugar as possible, hopefully he gains two pounds. He probably won't though.

Back to my recipes.

Guess who's back?

I am!

I am 34 weeks pregnant as of Thursday and boy has it been a bumpy ride. I am 33 pounds heavier and 100 times whinier. I hate walking, breathing, peeing and basically pretty much living these days. I can't sleep. There are no comfortable positions when you're as big as a house. Since I can't sleep I am always tired and frequently "rest", which is sitting my butt down whenever possible. I am usually found sitting on the floor of any store I visit.

I'm doing okay as far as kidney stone pain. I had the surgery to place the stent, but the stent really isn't that comfortable either. Once baby comes out, the kidney stones do as well. I'm very excited for September!

The baby shower went well. It was great to see so many smiling, happy faces. The cake was fantastic. The barbeque tofu was pretty fantastic as well. Everyone had a pretty good time, at least that's what I was told. I enjoyed seeing all of mine and Justin's friends. It's so hard to get out and enjoy things these days, so I barely see anyone really.

My most recent cravings are fried tofu and Diet Pepsi. Applesauce and pita bread are big hits as well. Justin makes the best fried tofu ever. I love my man so much!

I'm so ready for the fall to come. Summer end soon!

Woah.

Seeing it move was the weirdest feeling I've ever felt. I wanted to cry, laugh and run away all at the same time. It didn't just move a little, it was doing flips and turns all over the place.

This has become so real.

UPDATE TIME

Listening to "Intermediate Britney" before she married K-Fed and sang songs like "Slave 4 U" and "Toxic". In my personal opinion, the best Britney. Although her new comeback with "Circus" is pretty good too. Current song: Everytime. Next up: Toxic.

Anywho, it's Sunday and it's my day off. JJ's watching Home Alone, which bums me out because it's a Christmas movie. Christmas should be watched in November and Decemeber only. It bums me out if it's any sooner because Christmas is my favourite. Although, right now I'm way more pumped for summer.

I had my first baby doctor appointment. I'm going to be completely real right now. There is nothing sacred when it comes to having a baby. Doctors check everything out and ask a billion questions. I've never been poked and prodded so much, ever.

I have my first ultasound on Friday. I don't know how I feel. I guess I'm excited, but I'm also really nervous. It becomes so real when you finally see the person taking residence inside you. I can tell they're there because I'm getting bigger every week, but I haven't seen, heard or felt them. The other questions like, "what if they don't find a heart beat?" "what if there's something wrong?" are all bouncing around in my head.

I really need to get out of the house. I need girl time. All I do is worry, work and sleep.

Good birthday, bad birthday, good again

I am twenty years old now. I'm no longer a sexy teen. It was my birthday on Monday and it was pretty interesting.

I woke up and played Cake Mania for several hours until JJ came home from work early with mom and David. Momma and David happened to bring VEGETABLE SAMOSAS. I was pumped. After I feasted on Indian cuisine, Momma and I knit up a storm.

Then JJ told me we couldn't go to the Casino because he didn't get his health card renewed. What a bummer. I was pretty upset about this. My whole birthday extravaganza hinged on eating at the Casino and gambling.

New gameplan. Manadarin. I would eat until I couldn't move and I would get myself a little mocktail since I can't drink. Momma, David, Cheryl, Dad, Chris and JJ shared my birthday celebrations with me. Instead of desert, I ate mashed potatoes. I love pregnancy cravings.

Present wise I got maternity wear, pyjamas and a funky pregnant lady dress. I also got new tights, cocoa butter and pregnancy candies to stop nausea.

We came home and I was feeling pretty good. I was thinking that this was a good birthday... and then it happened. I was looking for my cellphone all over the place and couldn't find it. I didn't bring it because I was focused on eating, so I left it at home. Frustrated, I sat on the bed and Charlie moved out of the way. What do I see under his fat ass dog body?

A DESTROYED CELLPHONE! There were holes for huge bulldog fangs all over the mangled thing. There were no buttons on the front anymore. The screen on the front was destroyed, caved in to be exact. It was covered in slobber and I knew that poor battery must have been shot. I turned it over and sure enough there was a huge bite mark carved into it. I turn the phone on, just to see what could happen. It turned on. I flipped it open to see if I could use that screen. Nope, that would be too easy. And then the phone realised it's a broken, piece of shit and turned off. Never to be turned on again. Justin openly admits that the phone should not have been left on the bed, but what's done is done. Bye bye KEYBO.

So bad ending right? Well JJ gave me a massage to make up for it and as I was drifting off to sleep he asks me to open my eyes. I said no, I was sleeping and he can wait. He said he had a present and I told him I'd get it in the morning and rolled over. He wouldn't stop harassing me so I finally looked up and he had a ring in his hand. Needless to say, we're now engaged.

GOOD BIRTHDAY, BAD BIRTHDAY AND GOOD AGAIN.

This eggo is definitely preggo

I had canned chili yesterday. I really wish we had sour cream to go with it. That's how I eat my chili, canned or not. It was good, but now my craving for chili is gone. I feel bad cause he went out and got me four different cans. WOAH! If we had fries here, I could make chili fries. So tasty.

Now that I'm pregnant, all I think about is food and ways to eat food. I've never really considered food this much before. I've never been bulimic either, but being pregnant feels kinda similar except when I throw up, I'm not happy about it. I nom nom nom and run, run, run to the bathroom.

I also nap more. Were you aware that a pregnant woman expends more energy lying on the couch than a bodybuilder does at the gym? I know, pretty crazy right?

My biggest complaint is the enlargement of my body. I can't wear my regular bras. I can't wear my skinny jeans. I've got nothing to wear, but pajamas and oversized t-shirts. I miss bras and skinny jeans. I really do.

Awesome

I've decided to go home tonight, after JJ gets off work. I miss Milo a lot and I should really help Justin pack. We're leaving in a week.

Going home is going to be so much fun. My roomies are going to be so happy to see me. We're going to have a great time together and everything will be rainbows and kittens.

Ha ha ha. It isn't going to be rainbows and kittens (with the exception of Milo), however drama doesn't shake me. Things have changed and I'm glad for it.

JJ is no longer cleaning the kitchen except for his own dishes. He will not vacuum except for his room only. I'm really proud of him.

Don't even get me started on the dog. You know how I feel and what I've done and I'm not doing it anymore.

The last week I live there is going to be awesome. This is what happens when you don't give a fuck.

Correction:

Yesterday was almost the best day ever.

Thai lunch, mani+pedi, prescription filled, Arby's. Unfortunately, I did not get to see some lovely ladies because my new meds make me very sleepy. Although I'll pick a nap over throwing up, anytime.

Today:

I play Sims 3 all day.

I'm raising twin girls and my toddler son all while becoming the Chess Champion from my own home. My husband is a bank robber, so bills get paid and I get sweet stolen paintings to sell. It's a wonderful life.

Eventually JJ will come over and I'll have to face reality. Until then, bring on the twins.

Today's agenda:

- Get prescription filled. No more puke-a-thon.
- Eat Spicy Thai.
- Get nails did.

Perhaps hang out with some lovely ladies this evening?

Best day ever and I'm sharing it with momma.

Shower days

When you have a really good shower, everything feels better. I feel like I washed away all my guilt, pain and sadness. I also feel like I washed away a week's worth of tears and stress. I smell fucking fantastic too. I feel so good, I bust out the red lipstain. Lipstick ain't my thing.

I was prescribed some meds for my constant puke-a-thon. Basically, I take two at night and in the morning I won't feel like Mount Krakatoa. Sounds good, right? It would, if the prescription weren't $90. I looked at the pharmacist and said, "I'd rather puke". She started laughing until she saw that I was serious. She tried to get me to go for it, "You need to eat for the baby inside you". I told her that I could wait till my momma put it under her benefits plan. The woman told me that having parents is helpful when you're so young.

I'm pretty sure she thought I was 16. That's a good show by the way, "16 and Pregnant".

JJ is going to come over and rub my tummy and feet. I'm so fucking happy I get to see him. I'm going to rub his feet too, he works 50 hours a week. He deserves it, especially since I'm not cooking anymore. The smell of anything makes me puke.

A woman has 70 chores to do; cook and 69.

What's new pussycat?

He's gorgeous. I've never seen such a good looking cat before. He's going to be a neutered heart breaker when he's older.

Day one was intense. Milo would hiss at Charlie every time he got too close, but then Milo would jump on the bed and try to sniff Charlie again. I woke up to see Charlie and Milo sleeping on the bed together only a foot and half away from each other.

Milo likes to bite and nibble, but I guess that's what kittens do. I wouldn't know though I haven't had a kitten since I was four years old and I'm pretty sure I made that cat hate me for the rest of his life.