I'm so tired. This day has been so filled that I'm feeling beyond exhausted. Between wired and completely fried.
I met Justin's foster family including aunts, uncles, cousins etc at a barbeque. I was asked if I wanted a beer every four seconds. I said no quite often, but I didn't want to seem rude so I had to explain that I didn't like the taste of beer. After I said that, I felt like I came off as high maintenance and "too good" to share a brew with the family. I was then offered a shot of whiskey which I thought needed to be taken straight. I also refused that only to find out that they meant I could make a mixed drink. Now I look like a high maintenance, air headed ingrate. The only thing I could do to bond with the family was sit in a lawn chair and chain smoke. To make matters worse, someone put down a bowl of chili for Charlie and I instantly grabbed it off the floor because a) it has onions,corn, peppers and beans which are all hazardous to his health
and b) it was spicy,meaning he's going to have liquid poop on my carpet. The family saw me make a bee-line for it and now I probably look like an overprotective, high maintenace, air headed ingrate. His foster family is really nice and I was trying to fit in with fifteen people I just met that afternoon in the span of two hours. I'm probably over thinking it, but that's how I saw the afternoon.
When we came home, we had a delightful potluck with Shane Turner and Leigh-Ann, Kristina and Timur and Tyler Adair. Kristina made a great platter of food which included hummus, pita chips, spinach bites and cucumbers. Leigh-Ann made an amazing cake. I made the potato casserole and Justin prepared a nice salad. It was great to have everyone sitting at the table and eating together. Tyler had to be the creepy uncle sitting in the lawn chair drinking beers on the sideline since there was no room at the table. We watched Shark Attack Three: Megaldon. Which is the longest hour and thirty minutes of my life, but the best entertainment if you're craving a very horrible movie. Worse than B, probably more a C film. The night was great and from what I heard everyone had a good time,except Kristina who had to leave early because her face was exploding in allergic reactions. I'm glad she came over, I need to hang out with her more often.
There have been changes going on in my life, mostly from within. Within myself, within my circle of friends, within my home. I'm upset that people tell me that I've been ignoring them. I haven't meant to. There are times when I want to be alone or am forgetful, but I rarely intentionally ignore someone. The changes going on were not made to exclude anyone, but the feelings have already been hurt.
I'm really torn between two different sides at the moment. I feel like I'm being stretched. One half of me wants things to change, the other is too scared to move on. I don't do well dealing with emotional conflict, especially introspectively.
Since I wrote this novel, I believe I am able to go to sleep now. Talking about emotions makes me sleepzy. I'm going to Google some stuff, youtube it, play a minigame and sleep forever.